As the flight attendant just handed me a bag of goldfish shaped like planes, I realized my life is in the hands of some very low grade human beings. God knows how many feet i am in the air, but when your flying from Denver to south Dakota and the pre-flight instruction include a possible "water landing", I begin to wonder why I would leave my life in the hands of theses happy go lucky retards with the same tacky blue uniforms on. I'd really like to see the look on there faces when we actually attempt this so called "water landing", see how re-assuring there voices are then. I would skip the oxygen mask and go straight for the closest flight attendant, so I could at least bust a nut before the plane is crushed into oblivion, could be a good way to go out...
-moneyhouse
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
AVN Awards and Oxycontin
Once I arrived in Vegas, JohnnyCreepy and I quickly downed oxycotins, xanax, and some uppers. We proceeded to rush to the Mandalay Bay hotel in order to interview the stars on the red carpet, however by the time we got there the Oxys had kicked in so hard that I was trying to convince every girl in sight to let me star in there next porn film, and Johnny was harassing 13 year old girls. While we were struggling to interrogate Bethany Sweet about her next film, my mind ran blank of questions and I decided to make out with her. With show time about to hit, we stumbled down the red carpet trying to avoid the crazed fans grabbing at us from either side of the velvet ropes. After about five fucking security checks and a metal detector we got settled in our seats next to this coke sniffing nymphomaniac girl.
This year was a boxing match within the daring world of pornography, and the final punch was delivered tonight. The show was a stolen by an epic film by the title of "FUCK", which raped the other films until they begged for mercy. The best acceptance speech was most definitely given by the acclaimed actor Genna Haze who stated,"I have to say, I love sucking cock" after winning the award for Best Oral Performance. Somehow Gene Simmons won an award even though he has never starred in a pornographic film in his life. In a fit of rage similar to Michael Richards on stage breakdown, host Jim Norton verbally assaulted a member of the audience over a comment about Jenna Jameson's husband. Finally, in what seamed an attempt sever any since of sanity left in the show, Larry Flint broke down in tears while ranting about dead lawyers. By the time the crying old man was wheeled off stage, the size of the audience had shriveled to that of a small dieing fetus, and the show was basically over before it had begun.
-moneyhouse
DIGG this article if you liked it...
This year was a boxing match within the daring world of pornography, and the final punch was delivered tonight. The show was a stolen by an epic film by the title of "FUCK", which raped the other films until they begged for mercy. The best acceptance speech was most definitely given by the acclaimed actor Genna Haze who stated,"I have to say, I love sucking cock" after winning the award for Best Oral Performance. Somehow Gene Simmons won an award even though he has never starred in a pornographic film in his life. In a fit of rage similar to Michael Richards on stage breakdown, host Jim Norton verbally assaulted a member of the audience over a comment about Jenna Jameson's husband. Finally, in what seamed an attempt sever any since of sanity left in the show, Larry Flint broke down in tears while ranting about dead lawyers. By the time the crying old man was wheeled off stage, the size of the audience had shriveled to that of a small dieing fetus, and the show was basically over before it had begun.
-moneyhouse
DIGG this article if you liked it...
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Porn Oscars
I woke up this morning at 6:00am afer passing out live on stickam from too much XANAX. And it has been brought to my attention in the last 5 minutes that the porn oscars are occuringin vegas in 11 hours..... Ive got the laptop, I've switched my wirelesss plan, the VIP tickets have been reserved and all of the drugs are waiting for me; GHB, oxyconten, xanax, smoke, vicoden, speed, and even some coke(I'll bring my own bakingsoda). I have to get my shit packed and leave now if I'm going to have any chance of documenting this event.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
final preperations
I would advise anyone who is ever buying a laptop to wait until after a major coorperation run by vultures floods the market with a new operating system. Every decent store on earth has stopped stocking laptops so they can get the new Vista ones. Now i'm left to choose from the leftovers of a christmas frienzy, and the leftovers look pretty fuckin bleak. I'd order thedamn thing online, exept that by the time it gets here I'll be off in another state on a drinking bing of epic purportion. I'm proabably going to just buy the most expensive laptop in stock at coscto and then rape the fuck out of their "cutomer service policy" by returning it the day i get back. I'll find a way to convince the salesman that the cocain falling out of the keyboard adds a touch of vanity to the product, not to mentionan increase in the street value.
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